Journal - September & October 2005

Monday – September 5th

I really cried today! A complete breakdown and on Labor Day. How Ironic huh? We spent the weekend painting our bedroom furniture. Today was the final day, but Glenn was painting his parents living room and I was in their backyard painting our bedroom nightstand. The sun was drying out the paint, it was clumping and grass got in the tray and I had a breakdown over-reacted. I really think, I was crying about the baby at that time too, but I was blaming it on the paint not working. Glenn had to come and relax me. He knew why I was really crying, I was SAD!

Wednesday – September 14th

23 weeks (6 months)

I had another appointment with Dr. Melin today. Glenn went with me. “Our Angels” Heart Beat is still going strong!! I am happy for that. I do not want our little baby to die in my belly. I believe in my heart that she is here, so we can love her for the short amount of time we have. And possibly she will save another baby, with her strong heart. We want to donate as much as we can to save another baby. I would rather just go into pre-mature labor all on my own. I am still worried about the medication that is administered to induce labor too. Here are our questions.

Do I need a note from you for the Dentist to use nova cane / prescription? No. They will know which medicine to use for pregnant women.

Do I need a note for the Doctor to give me a Rubella shot (German Measles) I need it before I get pregnant again? YES. The prescription paper she gave me to get the Rubella shot… I hate it! It says, “Please give Rubella Vaccination (ok to give MMR) Patient has fetus incompatible with life.” I hate that.

When will I have my next ultrasound? I will go take my sugar test in 2-3 weeks (between 26 – 28 weeks) at the LabCorp and the Ultrasound a few days later.

Should we pre-register at the Hospital? If we want too. It will save a few minutes of our time when we check-in. (We did not do this.)

My Blood Pressure is the same, as always.

I finally began telling everyone at work, I am pregnant. Nothing more, Nothing Less. They are SO EXCITED! Me Too. Something else cool happened today. I was called to be a model in a “Commercial” for a cleaning product. I think that is pretty cool for being 6 months pregnant!

Friday – September 16th

This afternoon… Glenn showed up at my work... he peaked into the classroom to show me he passed his final test. He is a CFI now. Yeah!!! I was so happy I started to tear up. My class thought it was cute and they told me to go give him a kiss, so I did. I am so proud of him. Hopefully his school will hire him. We went to Miguel’s to celebrate. PS Yesterday, Britney Spear's had her son Sean. Congratualations!!

Monday – September 19th

24 weeks

I have not been sleeping well. My legs, ears, and side ache when I sleep on one side too long. I had some really weird belly cramps last night too. It hurt so bad, I stood in the doorway of the bathroom hunched over. Glenn brought me a blanket and I laid on the floor in the bedroom until the cramp went away enough to get up and lay in bed. I actually thought the pain might be contractions. But the pain went away about 30 minutes after it began. No explanations…. again.

I have been feeling the "thumpity-thump-thump" of the baby moving for quite sometime. And this weekend I had a thought… I just might be able to SEE my belly move. So, I have been WATCHING my BELLY MOVE ALL weekend.

I had a break down on Saturday afternoon (right after I put on my mascara). We were watching “Stepmom”. It was the part where the mom (Susan Sarandon) made the quilts for her kids. And they showed a picture of her and her baby boy. Glenn said something about how sweet, nice, cute it was. I’m not really sure, but he was sweet. But I lost it for about 10 minutes. I was happy to cry. It was a good release. I have been keeping myself too busy, and trying not to cry.

Monday – Friday September 19th – September 23rd

24 weeks

THIS WEEK I FOUND OUT... MY PAIN COULD GET WORSE... BECAUSE IT DID

This week Glenn started his 2 new jobs… his night job on Monday and his day job on Wednesday. And I miss him. Usually we are always together... But now, I leave before he gets up and I am asleep when he comes home. Our work schedules have been like this a few times over the past few years... and every time... We hate it. But, we need to do it. So everyday, when I came home from work I spent my time getting answers to my questions on the Internet that I could not find in my books or from my Doctors. You know this is NOT the stuff a “Mommy To Be” should be looking or shopping for. I would “Google” one topic and other topics would come to mind. I found out some interesting things and some sad things.

I began looking for a long outfit with sleeves and a hat for the baby to wear. Mostly I was looking at baptism gowns. Most of the gowns are for the average size newborn. Then, I began thinking… what if our baby is a preemie? I found an adorable preemie “Angel Kisses” outfit, but I will keep looking. I also found outfits for micro-preemies. Should we buy an outfit in each size? A Micro-Preemie is up to 3lbs. A Preemie is up to 5lbs. And a Newborn is up to 8lbs. We would need two of each outfit… one for a boy and one for a girl. That would be 6 outfits. What are the return policies? How sad that I must decide what our little baby will be wearing when he/she dies, before he/she is even born. During my search for the outfits, I came across the term… burial gowns. Yikes. That led me to my next search…

We had to find out about… burial or cremation. Even though we have place next to GG, Grandpa & Aunt Pat at “Glen Abby Cemetery”… Glenn and I discussed we would prefer to have Our Angel’s ashes scattered by a plane above the IB Pier. Because we have the IB Pier Watercolors we made for "Our Angel" over the summer. My Great Uncle Charlie’s and Aunt Lolly’s ashes were released in April on the coast of Long Beach. It was beautiful. So then…

I began looking for infant caskets and urns. They are all very expensive. I think the caskets were prettier than the urns. I can’t believe what I am saying. I should be at the baby stores… registering and buying baby gifts. It was a morbid few hours that particular night… I noticed that different urns… hold different amount of remains… I saw one urn that said it could hold One Cup. Oh My Gosh!!! What the ^&$# is happening. So another question… Will the ashes be seen when they are released over the ocean? Maybe we can use flowers.

I found one article regarding infant organ donations. Here is what I learned… Apparently few people donate their baby’s organs. This is amazing to me. It was the first thing I thought of. I would love to save another baby! And maybe most parents don’t have the time to make that decision. SO that made me think, how much time will we have with our baby… If we do donate?

We still don’t have that answer.

Good News… I did find information about donating my Breast Milk. I love this idea. I will definitely be doing that. But what is the process?

Then, I started to think about that Rubella shot I still need. My Dr. wrote a note on the prescription (to get the shot) “Patients Fetus Incompatible with Life”. That made me really teary. We will need to wait 4 months after I get that shot to get pregnant again. Which could be a similar due date (December 06/January 07). Maybe that’s not such a good idea. BUT, if I get that shot now… would that effect the organ & milk donation? I do want "Our Angel" to help others!!

Wow, this has been a pretty hard week. I only worked a total of 15 hours this week.

OCTOBER...

find out about... finally buying maternity clothes, Q&A at Doctor's, More Doctor's Opinions / Advice, Halloween.

RETURN TO TOP OF PAGE

My Journal - September 2005

LOVE was all she ever knew!!!